Friday, 22 August 2014

Running From Love

On Sunday I am leaving Germany for good. I leave behind my boyfriend and the many friends and memories I have made this year. I can't imagine my life anywhere else, but it's time to go. I have no idea how to say goodbye to the man I have loved here. He has seen the highs and lows of my experience as an au pair. He has held my hand through the hard times, traveled with me, introduced me to the special people in his life. He has fed, sheltered and supported me in every way. I will never be able to repay or thank him enough. 

My heart is breaking. I am scared I am making the wrong decision. Why am I running from love? The answer for me is I have to. I can't live my life in a way that would not fully satisfy me for just one person, when that person is not me. Maybe that's selfish. But right now that's the choice we've made together. We don't know what the future holds, if our paths will one day cross again. It seems unlikely, but I know even if I never see him again. I won't forget nor regret falling in love so unexpectedly. It makes leaving even harder, but I wouldn't change my experience for the world. Loving without expectation and with uncertainty of the future is the most pure love I have both given and received. Every single day counts. 


  1. This is very sad. I somewhat understand you because I went through quite a similar situation. I hope it won't tinge too harshly. It's part of you now and will serve as a fond memory.


  2. This is so poignant, I understand and I wish you the best of luck for the future. I love your blog and I have followed you with Bloglovin. If you ever get a chance to check out my blog I would be delighted thanks.

    Camille xo